I’m not sure how bold these predictions are when I’m hiding behind a laptop, but oh well. Here are mine for the upcoming season:
1. DeMarcus Cousins will NOT get a coach fired this season.
Even though he threw every former coach under the bus:
2. The Suns will own all of the league’s 2014 draft picks by February.
Ryan McDonough ignored my advice on how to turn the Suns around, but for good reason. I mean come on; he got a first round pick out of Marcin Gortat!
3. The 76ers will lose 76 games.
4. The Pistons’ shot selection will Pis-tons of fans off.
Sorry, I had to.
5. Kenneth Faried will leave it all the court, so much that the nets will be entirely composed of his dreadlocks.
Something like this, maybe:
6. Chandler Parsons’ hair will record more win shares per-48-minutes than Wesley Johnson.
This really isn’t that bold when Wes has -0.4 offensive win shares for his career (but 2.4 defensive ones!).
7. Dwight Howard will ask to be traded to #TeamFollowBack.
Now this is one team that will welcome him with open arms.
8. Mike Woodson will lose his mind on national television over his current Knicks roster.
He might also take up smoking to which Tyson Chandler will join him.
9. Allen Iverson will play a game of NBA 2K–and live-tweet it.
Kind of like how I live-tweet eating Lunchables, but different.
10. James Jones will dribble the ball not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven but eight times this season.
That photo was taken in 2011. I doubt James Jones has dribbled since then.
11. Ads on TNT of TBS sitcoms will reach a new level of annoyance.
My post back in May about the worst ads of the playoffs sums up my distaste for the ads for TBS.
12. The Birdman will be the next Batman.
And Jesus Shuttlesworth will be Robin.
13. Jan Vesely will cost the Wizards a close game by hanging on the rim. The Wizards will proceed to finish one game out of eighth place in the East.
And Vinny Del Negro will take over for the Wiz as head coach.
14. JaVale McGee will be a news anchor in Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.
Not my best Photoshop by any means but I’ll take it.
15. Mike Brown will occasionally replace himself with Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle.
16. If we’re judging who’s the best ever by how many rings they have, then the best player ever will be Saturn.
Also will have the most tantalizing height and wingspan in league history.
17. Andray Blatche will outdo the Birdman’s 2013 playoffs performance and shoot over 90 percent this postseason.
Here’s your daily Andray Blatche highlight:
18. Vince Carter will be in an Icy-Hot commercial.
Just milk an injury, slap on an Icy-Hot patch, and you’re good to go:
19. Kawhi Leonard will do something fun next summer.
20. By this time next year I will be ranked higher than 25th in my relative’s Family Rank.
Tagged: NBA bold predictions