Every NBA squad has a need to address this summer. Some examples include a pass-first point guard for Sacramento, a center who doesn’t bowl or dance for Philadelphia, and a psychiatrist for the Lakers. The NBA Draft is a chance to fill those holes on the court or in the head of Dwight Howard for a cheap price.
And with everyone and their moms composing a mock draft lately, I decided to join in on the fun.
I conducted extensive research before publishing my mock draft, trust me, though it only addresses teams in the NBA lottery. What’s the point of venturing any further? My adroit analysis tells me that draft picks outside the lottery are essentially worthless. Right, San Antonio?
With that in mind, here are my expert 14 picks:
1. Cleveland Cavaliers– Alex Len (Maryland – 7’1″ 225 – Center)
Cleveland’s reaching in the draft gets more weird every year, but it will prepare them for their biggest reach of all time next summer (though that will happen in free agency).
2. Orlando Magic – Dario Saric – (Croatia – 6’10” 223 – Power Forward)
He has that Fran Vazquez potential.
3. Washington Wizards – Jeff Withey (Kansas – 7’0″ 222 – Center)
Withey teaming up with Jan Vesely to create the most terrifying frontcourt in NBA history, at least in the nightmares of every Wizards fan, is too good to pass up. This pick is a no-brainer.
4. Charlotte Bobcats – Giannis Antetokounmpo (Greece – 6’9″ 215 – Small Forward)
“He has the name of a winner” – Michael Jordan, probably.
5. Phoenix Suns – Trades the pick to Seattle’s future expansion team for cash considerations
Seems logical in Sarver Land.
6. New Orleans Pelicans – Otto Porter (Georgetown – 6’8″ 200 – Small Forward)
If Porter’s still on the board, his tantalizing unibrow potential makes him a must grab at #6.
7. Detroit Pistons – Times out and forfeits draft pick
Joe Dumars fell asleep while looking at this year’s draft prospects.
8. Sacramento Kings – Shabazz Muhammad (UCLA – 6’6″ 222 – Shooting Guard)
Muhammad should mesh well with every other shoot-first player on the Kings.
9. Minnesota Timberwolves – Cody Zeller (Indiana – 7’0″ 230 – Center)
Because Minnesota needs another ridiculous argument that the Timberwolves are too white.
10. Portland Trail Blazers – Nerlens Noel (Kentucky – 6’11” 215 – Center)
Noel falls right into the injury prone lap of Portland.
11. Philadelphia 76ers – Rudy Gobert (France – 7’2″ 238 – Center)
Huge risk here. While Gobert makes sense to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of drafting Shawn Bradley, there is a chance that because Gobert’s from France that he knows how to flamenco dance. I’ll be rhyming here all day.
12. Oklahoma City Thunder – Brittany Griner (Baylor – 6’8″ 208 – Center)
OKC upgrades at center after amnestying Kendrick Perkins.
13. Dallas Mavericks – Allen Crabbe (California – 6’6″ 197 – Shooting Guard)
The Mavericks will trade this pick to the Lakers for cash considerations. Given his name, Allen Crabbe would fit in perfectly with the Lakers. This is a win-win trade for both teams. (Edit: Well, unless it’s really not pronounced ‘crabby’. Oops.)
14. Utah – Kelly Olynyk (Gonzaga – 7’0″ 234 – Center)
I feel like every player from Gonzaga is automatically affiliated with the Jazz.
Chicken Noodle Hoop 
